Alone
by Timeless Fantasist
Summary: Kirigakure Saiji is someone who pretend to be careless but why? No one knows much about his life but he is always hiding his feelings... how would everything turn out? One shot


Hi everyone!

This is a story about Saiji. Maybe you're wondering why of all the people of IE of Saiji, well it's because he is one of my favorites characters and there is not a single fic about him so I decided to write one.

Warnings: self-harm and OOC

Hope you enjoy it!

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**Alone**

Kirigakure Saiji wasn't a person that you can call lovely, sincere or friendly. Arrogant, sarcastic and careless were words that could describe him better. He was always like that, he didn't care for anyone, but it was the other way around too: no one care for him.

People usually tend to criticize other people without knowing their situation. Saiji always pretended to be someone cool and secure, but inside he felt miserable, he envied most of the people and just because of that he made other people feel miserable. Yeah, it was true that his parents gave him everything he asked, everything but love and attention. His parents were usually working and couldn't spend time with him, that was what they said but Saiji was sure that he only annoyed them and that was why they didn't care for him, he was useless for them.

His sensei usually told him he was a troubled kid, and of course he was, but that didn't give him the right to insult him. He was a troubled kid for one reason: he wanted to be someone or at least to feel like he was someone to his parents.

At first, when he started to give trouble in the school, his parents did what he expected, they complained and got angry with him because of the calls the school's director made to cited them to discuss his behave problem, but he was happy, after all it was the only way he found to caught their attention, and it worked but just for a while, they got eventually tired and used to his behave, in no time they hired a representative for him, then again he felt as if his parents didn't know he exist.

He then became something like a ninja, because of his current school Sengoku Igajima, he learned a lot about ninjutsu and felt somewhat relief, he found something to do when he wanted to clear his mind, but it wasn't enough, he didn't feel complete. He joined the soccer team of his school, he was curious about being in a team. He discovered soccer was fun and in some way comfortable, for a few time he was happy and he didn't care if his parents didn't care for him, he won along with his teammates all the matches, he showed off with all that he got, teasing the people whom he was against, he liked to win and he played for the pleasure of feeling important, but that was until they played against Raimon. He learned the true meaning of soccer, once again he felt discourage, of course he liked what he felt when he played the true soccer, but something change of it since they were left out of the Football Frontier, he liked the true meaning of soccer but after losing against Raimon it made him miserable again. He felt as if soccer wasn't comfortable enough, not anymore. But, someone asked how he felt about it? No, of course not and that just made he more troubled and insecure.

One day Saiji cut his wrists, just to make himself sure that he was alive. He saw his blood trickled down his arms, a warm and strange feeling full his body. There was a moment when he was losing too much blood and he felt dizzy and his vision became blurry, but he didn't care if he died, no one would care either. But that day for some unknown and strange reason his dad went to his room and found him before he could die. The next thing he remembered about that "incident" was waking up alone in a white room. Alone again, no one ever visited him, not even his parents.

It took him days to understand that he was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital. They said he had some "issues" and that he has developed "suicidal tendencies", every time he asked when he was going to get out they told him that "until he was prepare", at first he didn't know what they mean with "prepare". Many doctors told him it was for his safeness and to improve his health. Every day he received therapy, he learned that they would set him free until they think he was prepare for reality. So he pretended to act like he actually believe the nonsense they say, he acted like what they want him to be. In no time he was released, he thought it was funny how people can be so easily fooled.

But then again he felt miserable; he started to feel that it was hard to fake every single arrogant smile. No one ever asked him why he didn't go to school in a month, no one ever noticed the scars in his wrists, and no one ever care for him, once again. It was maybe because of his arrogant attitude but he was not going to change, he couldn't turn back now.

The worst was that he wasn't even getting used to being alone, it wasn't that easy to being alone. He started to feel hopeless about his life, he felt useless.

Then he received the news that the members of the national Japanese team for the Football Frontier International were already chosen and he wasn't even selected to for the Japan National Team Selection Match. That was when his whole world fell down. He was hopeless and felt completely lost.

That was when he felt he had to do something for anyone, at least just to help whoever; he knew there were people who were in worse conditions than him. He gave to charity all his savings, of course without anyone knowing it; he did it as someone anonymous. He always walked pass the orphanage where he had gave his savings, he saw when the little girls and boys received new toys and clothes, that made him feel happy and for the first time since he cut his wrists he felt useful, the only problem was that he didn't have more savings to give.

But soon he was rewarded, one day a woman named Hitomiko told him she was planning to make a new team –Neo Japan- to win the Japan National team spot, she told Saiji that she had selected him to be part of it. He accepted without doubting a moment. He felt complete and hopeful, again. When he was training, he was sure they would become the representative national team of Japan.

But that time was when he received the biggest disappoint, Inazuma Japan won against Neo Japan, the hard training was for nothing, even though Hitomiko said that their chances of become the representatives of Japan were still alive, he didn't believe her. If they hadn't won against Inazuma Japan that meant that they were stronger and better, Neo Japan was nothing. Saiji quit the team, hopeless and helpless and Hitomiko didn't stopped him. All the people was sure that it was because he felt superior than everybody and because he didn't want to be part of a "weak team", but that was not true, it was because he felt useless and he wasn't in the mood to be more disappoint in the future.

Saiji was walking back to his house, he didn't have to look either side to cross the street, he had such a bad luck that even if he want a car run over him it wouldn't happen. Anyway there was nothing to worry about because he was alone in the streets, not even a single bird was tweeting.

He stopped in the middle of the street, hoping for a car to come and run over him.

"What is life useful for?" he asked aloud, he knew he would have no answer though. Silence and more silence answered him "yeah I already understood, for nothing"

After that he continued his way toward his house, thinking about what to do. When he got to his house, he didn't bother to see if anyone was there, he only made his way toward his room.

Saiji sighed as he reached for the gun he always kept under his bed. He took it and squeezed tightly.

"Coward" he whispered to himself "I'm worthless" he continued his monologue " but so is this world"

This was supposed to be the part when someone unexpected came and comfort him, like in the movies. The reality was that his life was everything but a movie. No one came and no one would. He thought that he would be lucky if someone ever noticed he was dead.

He felt alone because he was actually alone. No one cared for him because he cared for no one. He was born alone, he lived alone and now he was going to die alone. Ironic.

His life was leading him nowhere and was useless. It had been like that since always and it if was going to continue that way…he would rather die. That was the most he wanted, stop existing.

He took a deep breath as one last arrogant smile crept on his lips and for his surprise one tear streamed down his cheek. He couldn't say that he didn't care, after all that was what brought him to this situation.

He pulled the trigger of the gun and almost immediately he felt a piercing pain in his whole body, a piercing pain but somehow comfortable. He would care for none and no one would care for him. He was alone. Everything was over.

More people than Saiji would have expected came to his funeral, people who he thought as enemies were there too. Much people were really sorry and his parents were wondering what they had done to made his only son committed suicide, they didn't understand because everything their son asked was given to him and he left not even a note explaining why he did it. When the funeral was over everyone went back to their homes.

The afternoon was not likely to be a happy one, the rain was pouring down everywhere, it was creepy to be in the cemetery on weather like that, but there was surely someone in the cemetery. One blue-haired boy knelt in front of a gravestone and touched it with his hand in disbelief. He couldn't believe it was true, everything seem so cynical. His fingers trickled in the letters carved on the stone, Kirigakure Saiji spelled his fingers. The blue-haired boy sighed in sadness, he had lost someone he considered a friend but didn't move a finger to help him

"Why do you think he did it, Kazemaru?" a boy behind him asked, tilting his head, his gaze was full of sadness.

Kazemaru stood up and felt his eyes were burning; he tried to blink away the tears. Why, that question had been bothering him since he heard the news about his friend, the difference was that now he knew the answer.

"Because he was alone" another voice behind of them spoke the words Kazemaru was about to say, just then he realized he was wrong anyway.

Kazemaru turned around and his eyes met the gaze of the boy who spoke, Hiroto. Then he looked at the other boy, his best friend Endou.

"What are you doing here, Hiroto?" asked Endou, scowling.

"I came here to visit Saiji's gravestone, it seems you had the same idea" he answered shrugging

"Did you know him?" asked Endou and Kazemaru flinched; it was painful to talk about someone you _knew_ in the past tense.

"No. He gave to the Sun Garden money for charity, he didn't want anyone to know but Hitomiko told me it anyway. I think he was a good person because the money he gave was his savings" Hiroto said as a sad smile decorated his face.

"Alone" Kazemaru whispered, absentmindedly "No"

Hiroto and Endou looked at him, scowling and confused.

"No?" Hiroto ventured to ask

"No" Kazemaru repeated firmly, but his voice sounded weak "Saiji _thought _he was alone"

"That's what Hiroto said" Endou affirmed.

"No" Hiroto said, understanding that Kazemaru had another conclusion.

"He thought he was alone but he wasn't" Kazemaru explained " you can't help someone who didn't accept that need help"

Kazemaru sounded confident, even indifferent, but he felt like in any moment he could break down. He squeezed a sheet of paper that he had found on Saiji's room, alone was the only word wrote on it, he knew Saiji wrote it, his parents didn't dare to enter to his room but Kazemaru entered, hoping to find a clue, and he did but that was not what he expected. Kazemaru never thought his friend felt lonely.

"It wasn't your fault" Hiroto said and Kazemaru looked at the ground, he certainly felt guilty about what happened to Saiji.

"Go on ahead, I'll catch up with you" Kazemaru said, sighing.

Endou and Hiroto understood and walked away. Kazemaru waited until they were far enough to not to hear.

"Saiji, I just want to tell you that you were never alone" he whispered as he started to walk away, with tears mingling with raindrops pouring down his face.

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That's all...

I was really depressed when I wrote this... so that's why it is so sad...

Anyway I hope you have liked it... (and hope you don't mind I kill him)

Reviews?


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